The “Obvious Choice” on Oregon’s coast is Salishan Lodge — Mobile 5-Star rating, AAA 5-Diamond Rating, Travel-Holiday Fine Dining Award, Wine Spectator’s Grand Award…

… From Salishan’s brochure:What sets Salishan apart is the service. From the moment you check in, you are treated as if you were a guest in someone’s home.” (Whose home?)

“There’s a level of caring that is rare in most places. A bellman leads you to your room; a log man arrives to lay your fire; all requests are met with immediate response.”

I arrived with a trunk-full of luggage. The gal at reception took out her red pen: “You are here. Drive down the road the way you came, go to the end, turn left, you’re on the third floor, right here.”

I made it on the second try. Of course, there was no one to help. It took three trips up four stairs to settle in.

… There was stationery, but no envelopes.

Sure there was a fridge . . . empty: the ice machine was two flights down, outside.

A cigarette-burn eyed me from the bedspread.

In the bath there was no rug, no shaving mirror, the soap was supermarket-Safeguard, the only source of heat was a camp unit stuck in the wall, and there was no hot water; nope, not even the next morning.

At 5:30 that evening, just as I was stretching out, there was a knock at the door. The log man? Don’t be silly. It was two, gum-chewing chambermaids, out of uniform (I hope), who asked if I wanted the bed turned down. (I wondered if they’d be back later to change the towels and clean up the bathroom after I’d showered and changed for dinner. This is a 5-Star, 5-Diamond resort after all . . . No prize for the right answer.)

. . . “At Salishan we offer a number of stellar dining spots . . . Fanciest is The Dining Room.”

The cuisine was about as inventive as the name of the room.

. . . All I can say is that there is a big difference between the viewpoint of a travel writer and that of a traveler who writes.

Sali-sham: pretentious and overrated; I’d rate it a last resort.

By, Ted Carter